Resolutions: a parody

1) Stop making resolutions. (Well bollocks, maybe next year.)
2) Wear underwear more often.
3) Try to match my socks sometimes.
4) Stop smoking. (I don’t smoke, I hear you saying? Exactly. Clearly worked. Shush, it’s not cheating.😇)
5) Stop #hashtagging
6) Try to, like, speak more, like, eloquently, you know.
7) Don’t use more words when one will do. Because it is really really annoying and really holds up the text and the amazing readers don’t really want to trawl through all of that.
8) Stop exaggerating COMPLETELY, LITERALLY ALL OF THE TIME.
9) Run for the bus more. (STOP LAUGHING I CAN RUN IF I WANT TO…no, okay. Maybe I’ll try a brisk walk first.😥 Seriously, why are you still laughing?)
10) Get up in the morning.⏰ Don’t wait till its actually the afternoon, you’re an adult.😴
11) Smile. Stop being a dick.:evil:
12) Learn to dance without people thinking you’re having a fit and calling paramedics.
13) Stop using emoticons to describe your feelings.:o
14) Stop using carbohydrates to make yourself feel better (especially feeling better about eating too many damned carbohydrates.)
15) Stop making resolutions. (Bollocks, not again.) A resolution isn’t just for new year. It’s for life. Make one if you actually need one. Make one if you actually intend to stick to it, even if it’s hard. Don’t make ones just because it’s a new year. You can make them everyday. Make one because you want a new you.

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