Welcome to the ‘Look At All The Women’ Carnival: Week 1 – ‘The
This post was written especially for inclusion in the
three-week-long ‘Look At All The Women’ carnival, hosted by Mother’s Milk Books, to celebrate the launch of
Cathy Bryant’s new book ‘Look At All The Women’. This week our
participants share their thoughts on the theme ‘The
Lovers’ (the first chapter in Cathy’s poetry collection).
Please read to the end of the post for a full list of carnival
Look At All The Women Blog Carnival: The Lovers
What I Don’t Know About Love:
Like many little girls, my first real idea of love came from reading the Disney-fied adaptations of classic, and darker, fairy tales. However, unlike many little girls, I never entertained the idea of waiting for prince charming. I always identified with Mulan- a warrior, self made princess saving China, rather than Ariel or Cinderella. As I grew up further, I again identified more with Bellatrix LeStrange, my favourite character from Harry Potter, rather than Hermione, and Rebecca rather than the nameless Heroine in Du Maurier’s Rebecca.
I am a strange one, I’ll be the first to admit. However, I still loved the book and film adaptation of Chocolat by Joanne Harris and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Silver Linings Playbook both made me cry. I do have a heart, I swear.
I think this was influenced by my parents. They were not the soppy romance sort, they had their moments, but they were more laughing and having fun and intellectual- to my mind anyway. To me, they had the perfect romance. They worked in sync, they were a team. What one of them lacked, the other had and vice versa. The image of yin and yang is coming to my mind as I write this. They were the real fairytale. And, as fate had it, that fairytale was cut short. My father passed away.
However, I learnt a lot. They valued each other before everything, they talked, they worked things out, they were best friends. My father taught us both so well, that we could both cope without him. It is bloody difficult and I would trade anything for him back, but he taught us well.
My father held me in high esteem, I was a daddy’s girl, and I am proud of this. He always brought me up with the notion that I didn’t have to wait for a man to fix things, therefore I haven’t been dependant on finding this true romance. It will happen. He told me this. But it will happen when the time is right, with the right person. I don’t settle for something that is not real, that causes problems later down the line. Also, my father taught me to always do things for happiness.
I’ve seen friends’ parents split up and divorce because of lack of communication, and lack of interest in each other. I’ve seen friends’ parents stay together, when they clearly should not have been together, for the sake of the children. I don’t agree with this either.
I haven’t found true love yet, and that’s okay because I am working on loving myself. I don’t want to be dependent on someone in a relationship, I want to contribute to it. I personally don’t think you can offer much to a relationship, unless you have a fully formed personality, know who you are, and accept who you are before you enter it. My mother is extremely independent, and both my parents had distinct and separate personalities that were only enhanced when together. They were still both a force of nature, especially my mother, when separate.
The experiences I have had so far however, have left me confused. There is the never ending question of when do you tell someone you like them, that’s if you ever do! I am the worst with this. I have done this too early, and too late, and not at all.
Dating is hard.
There is the question of timing. I am a commitment phobic, so I get scared off easily. NO rushing. None. I first and foremost want fun and a laugh, then I will cross the bridge of deciding to commit when I come to it. It isn’t that I don’t want a commitment, it just it has to feel right.
Also, with timing, how fast do you go if you are dating someone? Too fast and it becomes hard to back out, too slow and it is hard to maintain.
However, I truly believe, from seeing my parents’ relationship that there is someone for everyone and that the right person will understand if I run at the first sight of commitment, I trust the right person will be still waiting when I come skulking back with an apology in hand and a wry grin. I know that I will commit fully, be faithful and forgive when I need to. I want every day to have a new story or a new inside joke. I know not every day will. I don’t live in a Disney film. Relationships need to be constantly worked on. That is why I want someone who is a friend first, and a lover second. I haven’t met him, but I’ll know when I do.
When it comes down to it, that is all I know about love…it works out in the end.
By Kimberly Jamison
Look At All The Women is now available to buy from:
The Mother’s Milk Bookshop (as a paperback and PDF)
– we can ship books around the world!
and as a paperback from Amazon.co.uk.
It can also be ordered via your local bookshop.
If you’d like to get involved in the ‘Look At All The Women’ carnival
please find more details about it here:
Please take the time to read and comment on the following fab posts
submitted by some wonderful women:
‘Fantasy, love and oddity.’ — Cathy Bryant, guest
posting at Mother’s Milk Books, shares two of her
favourite poems about lovers from her second collection of poetry,
Look At All The Women.
‘The Walnut Hearts’ — Marija Smits
shares some ‘nutty’ poetry about love and reflects on the role good
communication has on a harmonious relationship.
Georgie St Clair shares her feelings on why we should
indulge our passions as lovers in her lighthearted post — ‘Creative Lovers: Not Tonight Darling’.
‘The Lovers – Or What I Don’t Know About Love’ —
Kimberly Jamison posts to her blog The Book Word what
she has learnt about love from story books, people watching and her own
life and wonders if she actually knows anything at all.
‘Implicit v Explicit’ — Ana Salote at Colouring
Outside the Lines considers literature’s role in teaching children